Cemetary Gates

What is it that you have seen in the world that I haven't? Is it all the time in the world that I seem to have that is blinding me from my true potential? Am I too jaded by my (relative) free-will and liberty that I've deluded any true aspect of self-realization? I must be too enraptured with living in my material present.

Is it your imprisonment? The shackles by which you are chained to this suburban wasteland surely must be the causation of your, for the lack of a better term, ingenuity. You inadvertently evoke a plethora of emotions within people, the sheer amount of which you have no idea. Similarly, you fail to realize how high a pedestal we all place you upon. Sometimes it appears in conversation, but in purely referential form, as anything past an allusion to such is nonchalantly shrugged off and simultaneously smugly acknowledged. You are a god among men, and you don't even realize it—Enamored by many, but known on a personal level only to a select few. And yet, even to those few, you are still one enigmatic son of a bitch.

Share the wealth god dammit.

P.D.A. (Or the lack therof.)

Back in business once again. I got lazy, I hate WoW, honestly. After a rather interesting day, I guess I have to man up. It really pains me to say that yeah, I've been crushing for the past few months. My emotions something I really need to come to terms with. I've come to realize that I've suppressed them for too long. I've lied to you guys, yeah, I've been interested in a lot of people, but my inwardness is inhibiting. I suppose its fear of embarrassment. Yeah, I don't know how to spit game, yeah, I don't know how to sweet talk girls. Up to this point I never put much thought or stress on it. Sometimes I wish they offered a "Dating 101"

Off on a tangent, I'm really disturbed by the fact that I'm not in the emotional flurry that I expected myself to be about 10 mins before I started to compose this. In fact, I'm VERY irritated by the fact that a discussion earlier this evening with my dad and my friends spurred me to write this article.

Back on topic, I find it interesting how fast feelings for someone can die by not talking to them for a day or more. Small talk can go a long way. I also find it interesting how I almost always go on AIM just to talk to her. But in real life I find it hard to strike up conversation. I'm such a loser (<3 Self-pity). I find it interesting how jealous I can be when other people guys to her. Honestly, I hate that. I feel so...so...envious when people do that. As I'm now just starting to learn, "Love" is complicated.

I contemplate about this a lot. She leaks into my thought processes on the daily. She, anonymous as she'll remain on here, is I consider to be one of the coolest, down to earth people I know. She's real easy to talk to, and a few of our conversations have dragged on for hours. I'm infatuated, truly. But, she's too good for me. And she's too pretty, too talented, too good a person for someone like me. Alas, enigmatic she remains, despite a long friendship.

I don't deserve her, and even still I'm jumping the gun there.

Horrible way to announce who I like? Nope, because, I never explicitly did. Rather, I think this is another exploration of my emotions.

I leave you with this, a video of a extremely hard hit on part of Antwan Barnes of the Baltimore Ravens. This Sav Rocca guy gets BLASTED beyond belief.

Dream Machine

This one will be a little more angsty, ranty and whiny. Sorry.

To kick things off today, I think I'll start off with a rant! Now, few people know of my hatred of PETA. PETA hasn't done anything [recently] to spur this rant, but my hatred of them is strong regardless of what they do and do not do. With that aside, I would just like to state that I hate PETA and everything they (think) stand for. I also hate their crusade to convert people to the altruistic lifestyle of Veganism. Of course I think animal cruelty is bad and just plain wrong, but the fact that that goes on doesn't change my mind about eating meat. As long as they kill it quickly, I couldn't care less as to what they do to it, just so long as it tastes good. Because when it comes down to it, Meat tastes good, and I guess that's just something PETA doesn't get. Now, on the topic of Vegans, I hate them just as much. At least the ones that think that they're better than you because they don't eat meat. Because seriously, that's really annoying. I could understand becoming a vegan or vegetarian due to health reasons or perhaps religion, but to become one on the sole reason of being against Animal cruelty is ridiculous.

Alright, enough of that.

One thing that has really been disturbing me lately is my perceived detachedness from my friends. For some reason, I'm just really, really inward about my emotions, at least, that's what I perceive. It really troubles me. For example, I'm not very close to anyone in terms of emotional connection (Not a relationship, per se.) I don't necessarily see or feel the same connection that I see between my guy friends and other girls. I guess you could say I desire something of that sort, but my inwardness and I guess you would say, social awkwardness kind of nullifies that. Perhaps you could also say that I've repressed such feelings in fear of embarrassment? I think there's something left over from 4th grade that makes me nervous around girls that I barely know, but perhaps others are the same? But that would seem highly improbable considering I had a strong relationship with a girl around that time.

*Sigh.*

The same inwardness has prevented me from being outward about my opinions on girls (And to a much greater extent, prevented me from having a girlfriend). Of course, I'm not as inward about this as maybe 7th or 8th grade, where I was supremely tight-lipped about the subject. It wasn't 'til about this time of year last year during summer break did I begin to form strong opinions on girls, attractiveness or otherwise. I still am pretty tight-lipped about who I like. Dare I say almost to the point of degrading it to an elementary school crush, which greatly disturbs me. The fact that that disturbs me doesn't mean I'll start spewing about who I like, because, frankly, just imagining me doing that disturbs me more than being like a closed vault about it.

My lack of a girlfriend often positions me at the butt end of my friends jokes, or, at least at the butt end of 1 or 2 of my friends, whom seem to express absolutely no sympathy on the matter. There 2 factors that I think put me into this position, one of them being my inwardness. The other being my insecurities that say that I'm not worthy of someone, or, that I think that no one finds me attractive, given that I'm overweight, possess no chin, nerdy as a motha*****, and I'm obnoxious. (Many of my friends will get a kick out of the chin bit) I know I've said to myself on multiple occasions that I would try to get a girlfriend freshman year, all of those never fully materialized. Now, here I am, Sophomore year, and I haven't gotten a girlfriend.

Now, many of you will say that the above paragraphs are nothing but a plead to girls to start to date me. You're free to believe so. I'm not going to stop you, or argue the opposite. Because I know what this is. It's an identification of what's wrong with me. Identifying the problem is the first step to finding the solution. Sure, maybe it was a little late of me to start all of this. But now at least I have something to blame my tardiness.

With that aside, I bring you to another one of my dilemmas. I love paintball. I seriously love it. The sport, the lifestyle, the community. All of it is awesome. From the numerous forums I visit to talk about it, to the sites I visit to fantasize about the equipment, and the videos I watch to improve my technique and style and just watch to appreciate the sport. Now, there was little thing I omitted from that little list. Actually playing the sport. Now, don't get me wrong, the I love the sport and everything it stands for and stands for in me. But this sport, paintball, is probably the most expensive sport that exists to man. Get this, it's 25 dollars in get into a paintball park. You get admission and all day air. That's not that bad. Now, if you're me and you own a mid range gun you'll be shooting a case and a half maybe to 2 cases a day. This is where it gets really troublesome. The price of a case of 2000 paintballs averages out at about 40 dollars. All of that money coming out the end of your barrel. For pros, who are sponsored by big corporations, they shoot a case and half, maybe 3 PER GAME. That's 120 dollars spent in a matter of minutes. And all in the name of fun. I can't afford that, not by a long shot. In short, I want money. I want money so I can play this sport. I'll just leave it at that.

I'll leave you guys with this: A video of Mario and Luigi, HxC dancing. It's thoroughly entertaining!

Junior Kickstart

This dang Anime has gotten to me. Suzumiya Haruhi no Yūutsu, or, The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya is probably my new favorite anime, and the one that has gotten the most attention from me. And it's a Shojo at that! I think the reason as to why I'm so keen to it is because its main protagonist, Kyon. To give you a summary, he's your average Freshman caught in a series of mishappenings triggered by the attractive yet odd girl by the name of Haruhi. Long story short, she forms the SOS brigade in the hopes of keeping herself entertained at the expense of the sanity of others. Another drawing point that I'd like to point out as well is its absolutely awesome ending sequence featuring the main characters in a silly dance entitled the "Hare Hare Yukai". Its circulation is worldwide, with people performing near flawlessly at cons all over the world. Possibly the most circulated video is the one featuring a bunch of 2ch junkies strutting their stuff in the heart of Akihabara, Tokyo, Japan. Their performance, however is brought to halt by some of the popo. Yeah. I favorited it on Youtube.

This loosely brings me to another meme brought about by the likings of an otaku imageboard - Rickroll. Okay, imagine this, a buddy of yours IM's you telling you to check out this awesome video of a guy doing something crazy. He provides you with an unsuspecting youtube link. You oblige and click it, and you're suddenly whisked away to the craptastic music video for Rick Astley's '80's classic "Never Gonna Give You Up" Congratulations! You just got Rickroll'd.

It's certainly become a fad, what, with this being the advent of Web 2.0 and social networking.

Now, If you're an above average Intarweb surfer, you're probably exposed to many instances of links of the dreaded Rickroll video without even knowing it. They're there. Just sitting there waiting for you like a dreaded AWP camper on de_dust. Just waiting for you to click on them. And when you finally do, you'll become filled with feelings of anguish and frustration, so much so that you'll express it using comments usually explaining who just Rickroll'd you and from where they hailed. I mean with opening lyrics like "...You know the rules, and so do I...", who wouldn't? Personally, I think the whole fad is hilarious. I like the song actually, even though its ridiculously cheesy. And when I do get Rickroll'd, I usually just let the video play and listen to the song. Hell, I'm listening to it now. I think what's most interesting about this fad is its explosive spread in recent months. Even Family Guy did a play on it. And if you think about it, Seth Macfarlane Rickroll'd america. Yeah, he's definitely a /b/tard.

With an otherwise boring day, I leave you with this, an interesting video interpretation of Daft Punk's Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger. One of my favorite songs, its a good representation. Very fun to watch, I might add.